Complete
by csigal1976
Summary: Just a little something I thought of while trying to recover from this strep and sinus infection nastiness.  I certainly took some liberties with the timeline, but overall I think you'll get it. Events leading up to One to Go from Sara's perspective.


A little something I thought of while trying to recover from this strep and sinus infection nastiness. I certainly took some liberties with the timeline, but overall I think you'll get it.

Disclaimers – I own nothing!

Feedback is much appreciated and 9 out of 10 doctors recommend it to get rid of strep, so please send some my way! Thanks!

Complete

By Csigal1976

She sat in her rocker, the one luxury item in her make-shift home in the Costa Rican rainforest. As the rain softly pelted outside, she let her memories take her back to that day not long ago. Sending that video had been the single hardest thing she'd ever had to do. Harder, certainly, than digging herself out from under that car in the desert. Harder than the childhood in and out of one foster home after another. Nothing compared to the gaping hole left in her heart when she had told the only man that she had ever truly loved that she didn't need him. She was no longer whole, no longer complete. But, she had to let him go. She was happy. Wasn't she? She had been – in a sense. She remembered having to restart the video a couple of times, having to adjust the camera angle so that her stomach was out of shot. She certainly couldn't let him see that. She remembered caressing the mound of her stomach repeatedly throughout that video. It had gotten her through it, her single reassurance in that sea of uncertainty. She still held a part of him, even though she couldn't have him. He had not been willing to make that ultimate sacrifice for them, like she so desperately wanted. He loved her – of this she had been certain. But he still couldn't do it. She had left her home, her life in San Francisco all those years before, and moved to Las Vegas for him. For _him_. And he could not do the same.

She knew she should have told him. And she knew that she would, just not yet. _Soon_. She had often found herself in a pool of tears, wishing she had told him immediately, but then how could she have? If he was not willing to come after her - to be with her - for love, how could she have told him everything? She didn't want him to come out of a sense of obligation, and she knew that is exactly what he would have done. That's the kind of man Gil Grissom was. She had wanted him to come to her because it was what his heart and soul demanded. She had wanted to be enough for him. For them. Their baby should not have the responsibility of bonding the two of them together, even before he was born.

Warrick's funeral had been hard on all of them, but it had afforded the two of them a small amount of time together. She hadn't thought about the fact that she was no longer on the pill – not until later. But it seemed like such a farfetched notion, such a long shot anyway. _So much for that_. She had been surprised when she was plagued with never-ending exhaustion while on the Sea Shepherd, and then the morning sickness had started. She lived in denial briefly, writing it off to being sea sick, but that only lasted for so long. Eventually she had taken the test, picked up at some port along the way, even though she already knew what it would tell her.

A gentle wiggle and stretch in her arms, accompanied by a small sigh brought her eyes to the beautiful blue ones of her son, arriving back in the present. The memories of her recent past were still difficult and she attempted never to dwell long on them. She may not have Gil Grissom, but she had the purest, most perfect part of him. They had a son. Equal parts Gil and Sara - although she often questioned even that. For he was the very image of his father, with big blue eyes, the sweetest dimpled chin, and adorable wisps of dirty-blond curls that adorned his head. He was perfect, and every time she looked at him it made her heart swell. She loved him because he was her son, but even more so because he was a part of Grissom. _My little Grissom-clone,_ she laughed to herself. Those at the camp and even the local villagers all joked with her that the baby must look like his father, because he looked nothing like her. She took the teasing and friendly jibes in stride, for even she had been thrilled when she first looked into that precious little face only to see the man she loved staring back.

Perhaps telling him would prove even more difficult than that video had been? She would likely soon find out. She knew she would have to tell him soon, and her trip back to the U.S. would be the opportunity to do so. In two weeks she would be returning to legitimize her son's U.S. citizenship. It was an immediate concern for her once she found out that she was pregnant. She had quickly visited the U.S. consulate and discovered that her child, having at least one if not both parents as U.S. citizens, would automatically acquire U.S. citizenship upon entry into the country as an immigrant - no further paperwork necessary. So she and Jack would be taking a trip home soon. She had wanted to wait until she felt he was safe to travel, at least a few months old – especially since he had been born just over a month early. He was healthy, of that she was certain, and they were both now ready for that difficult journey ahead. In two weeks she and her two month old son would be leaving for Las Vegas. She needed to take with her his Costa Rican birth certificate, and simply turn it in as they issued its U.S. counterpart.

Rising to place the baby in his bassinet, she moved to sit on the floor in front of the footlocker that lay close to her bed. She pulled the document from within, and looked it over for what seemed like the millionth time. It hadn't been a difficult decision, naming him, but one that she had given a great deal of consideration. She knew that if Grissom had known, he would tease her about the baby's name. She was a huge fan of Tom Clancy novels and movies, and had always had a thing for leading man Jack Ryan – a fact Grissom loved to tease her about. She knew he would immediately think she had chosen the name for her son because of that. In truth, though, she had always loved the name, finding it both strong and sweet - a perfect combination for her baby. However, as she progressed through her pregnancy she waivered, wondering if Grissom would like the name, if he would have chosen the same. Would he prefer something more classic like William or Thomas? Then she had recalled that Grissom's father was named John. She definitely liked that, and thought that he would appreciate that reference to a man he dearly loved and missed. After pondering John for the following week it dawned on her that Jack was a common nickname for John. How perfect! The middle name had been simple – Andrew. It was a strong, sweet name and also the middle name of her own father figure – James Brass. And so her son had a name, John Andrew Grissom - her little "Jack." The last name was a given, his son would have his name. Whether it was a decision she made out of need to uphold tradition, societal standards, or guilt over not telling Grissom of her pregnancy she wasn't sure. But it was a decision made easily and one she was certain of.

As the baby fussed in the bassinet, her attention returned to him. _Guess you aren't tired_. "Are you hungry, little man?" Lifting him from the bassinet and settling him at her breast once she was in the rocker, she had her answer. When he finished eating, she changed his diaper and dressed him for their adventure into the village for the day. She desperately needed to get out and do something that didn't involve breastfeeding or changing diapers, if only for a few hours. Rosalita, the camp nurse that she had grown close to throughout her pregnancy and delivery, had agreed to watch Jack for a couple of hours. For her part, Sara had agreed to help one of the camp researchers by photographing and reporting the activities and incidence of the capuchin population at one of the shacks on the outskirts of camp. She enjoyed photography, and capturing the sweet little monkeys at play would prove to be a fun diversion. She had no idea as she left her son in Rosalita's arms, promising to return in a few hours, that she would be returning with more than data and photos of mischievous monkeys. She would be returning to her son _complete_.

TBC? Not really sure…I am thinking that it is good at this point. Your thoughts?


End file.
